{"id":168,"date":"2026-02-03T00:15:00","date_gmt":"2026-02-03T03:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ziev.com.br\/gpjota\/?post_type=capitulo&p=168"},"modified":"2026-03-06T01:44:18","modified_gmt":"2026-03-06T04:44:18","slug":"a-mess","status":"publish","type":"capitulo","link":"https:\/\/ziev.com.br\/gpjota\/livro\/when-i-arrived-everything-was-already-a-mess\/capitulo\/a-mess\/","title":{"rendered":"A MESS"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

SETTING:<\/strong> Armchair. Side table with coffee mug. TV in front (on, low or muted volume). Geraldo sitting, staring at screen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SINGLE SCENE<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Geraldo sips coffee. Silence. Looks at TV.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: You\u2019re thinking about them again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (doesn\u2019t turn) Yeah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Who?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Them. The conversations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: SOMEONE?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (sips) Yeah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at TV) Because I created them. And now they won\u2019t leave my head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: They never left. You just gave them names.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (pauses) True.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Do you know who you are?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at mug) Yeah. I\u2019m Geraldo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Always were?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (pauses) No. But I am now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: How do you know?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Because I turn into Geraldo every moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: \u2026how so?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (sips) I question myself. I simplify. That makes me Geraldo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: You question yourself?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: All the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Then you\u2019re still SOMEONE?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at TV) I am and I\u2019m not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Explain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: I WAS SOMEONE. For a long time. Complicated everything. Theorized. Wouldn\u2019t accept simple answers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And now?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Now I use SOMEONE. He questions. I answer. And in the answer, I become Geraldo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: So you need SOMEONE to be Geraldo?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (pauses) I do. Without questioning, I never reach the simple. And without the simple, I\u2019m not Geraldo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: But you CREATED SOMEONE. He\u2019s not real.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (smiles slightly) Real enough. He questions for real. And I answer for real.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: You\u2019re talking to yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (sips) Yeah. But with purpose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And this SOMEONE you created\u2026 what does he do?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Complicates.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Because I need the complicated to get to the simple. No shortcut.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Can\u2019t you just accept it\u2019s simple?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at TV) Sometimes. Sometimes not. Depends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: On what?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: How much I believe in simplicity. If I believe easily, I accept. If not, I have to question until I\u2019m exhausted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And then you believe?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (sips) Then only the simple is left. And I\u2019ve got nowhere to run.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Some things you don\u2019t question anymore, right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Yeah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Why? Because they\u2019ve become simple?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Some yes. Others\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Others what?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (smiles) Others I just accepted. Didn\u2019t even question properly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Laziness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: (pauses) \u2026laziness?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Yeah. Like \u201cthe simple magic.\u201d Why log dreams? Because I like them. Period.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: But didn\u2019t you question first?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: No. Sometimes the simple is so obvious questioning is a waste of time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: So there are two ways to the simple? Questioning until exhausted OR accepting straight away?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (sips) Yeah. Both work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Which is better?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (shrugs) Depends. Sometimes you need to question. Sometimes just accept and move on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: How do you know which?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (pauses) I don\u2019t. But when I know, I know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Let me get this. You create SOMEONE to complicate\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Yeah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: \u2026so you can simplify again?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Exactly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: But you ARE Geraldo. Not SOMEONE.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at mug) Right. I AM Geraldo. But I only stay Geraldo because I question myself. SOMEONE is part of the process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: You\u2019ll never be SOMEONE again?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (firm) No. I WAS SOMEONE. That\u2019s over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Sure?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at TV) I am. I spent so long being SOMEONE \u2014 complicating everything, theorizing, hunting layers \u2014 that eventually I found the simple. And when I did, I became Geraldo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And you don\u2019t go back?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: No going back. Geraldo is what\u2019s left after SOMEONE exhausts himself. And once you become Geraldo, you don\u2019t unbecome him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: So SOMEONE made you Geraldo?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (long pause) Yeah. Without SOMEONE, I\u2019d never have gotten here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: But you\u2019re not SOMEONE.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: No. But I was. And he still lives in me. As a tool. As process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: You use SOMEONE.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (sips) I do. I create him when I need to question something. He complicates. I simplify. And that keeps me Geraldo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: You have to keep proving yourself?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at TV) Not proving. Maintaining clarity. Without questioning, I lose the thread. Forget why the simple is simple.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: So you question to not forget?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Yeah. Or to discover new simples. Some things I still don\u2019t know are simple. So I question until I find out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And things that already ARE simple?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Those I don\u2019t question. Just accept.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: How do you know the difference?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (pauses) I don\u2019t. But when I do, I do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And ME? What am I in this story?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks into space) You\u2019re me trying to understand the process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Am I SOMEONE too?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (pauses) You\u2019re SOMEONE questioning SOMEONE himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Because even when I get how it works, I need to question if it works. Need to be sure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: You don\u2019t trust?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (sips) Not about trust. About not taking anything for granted. If I stop questioning, I might lose clarity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: So you never stop?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at mug) Sometimes I do. When I accept it\u2019s simple and done. But other times I have to keep going.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: How do you decide?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Laziness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: (pauses) \u2026seriously?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (smiles) Yeah. If I\u2019m too lazy to question, I accept. If not, I question.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And that works?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at TV) Has so far.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: You said you transform into Geraldo every moment. What does that mean?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (sets mug down) It means Geraldo isn\u2019t fixed. It\u2019s motion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Motion of what?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Complicated to simple. SOMEONE questions. Geraldo answers. That motion IS Geraldo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: So you\u2019re not Geraldo when you\u2019re not questioning?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (pauses) No. When I\u2019m not questioning, I\u2019m Geraldo who already questioned. Living the simples I\u2019ve already found.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And when you hit something new that isn\u2019t simple?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Then I become SOMEONE again. For a moment. To question. And when I answer, I\u2019m Geraldo again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: So you ALTERNATE between SOMEONE and Geraldo?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (picks up mug again) No. I\u2019m ALWAYS Geraldo. But Geraldo HAS SOMEONE inside him. As part of the process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: (long pause) Geraldo isn\u2019t the answer. Geraldo is the conversation?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (smiles) Yeah. The whole conversation. Question and answer. Complicated and simple. All of it. That\u2019s Geraldo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Some themes are already simple for you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Yeah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Which ones?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Dreams. I log them because I like them. Simple. Karma. No point waiting for it. Simple. God. Don\u2019t need him. Simple.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: You don\u2019t question those anymore?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Don\u2019t need to. Already exhausted the questioning. Only simple left.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And themes that are still complicated?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (pauses) Yeah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Which?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at coffee) Loneliness. Identity. Purpose. Still working on those.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Working how?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Questioning. Creating SOMEONE to complicate. Looking for Geraldo to simplify.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And when you simplify them all?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at TV) Don\u2019t know if I will. And that\u2019s okay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Because Geraldo isn\u2019t about having all the answers. It\u2019s about keeping asking until you find the simples.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: When I arrived, everything was already a mess.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at mug) The title.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Why that title?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Because when I arrived at myself, it was already a mess. SOMEONE was already there. Complicating. Questioning. Not letting anything sit still.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And now?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Now I know the mess IS the process. SOMEONE messes it up. Geraldo cleans it. And in that, I become Geraldo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: You don\u2019t want the mess to go away?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (sips) No. If it did, I\u2019d stop transforming. And if I stop transforming, I\u2019m not Geraldo anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: So you NEED the mess?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at TV) I do. Geraldo only exists because SOMEONE exists. Without SOMEONE messing things up, there\u2019s nothing to simplify. And without simplifying, there\u2019s no Geraldo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: You\u2019re scared of stopping the questioning?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (no immediate answer)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Geraldo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (quiet) Yeah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Because if I stop, I lose the transformation. And without transformation, I don\u2019t know what\u2019s left.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Geraldo is left. You said you are Geraldo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at mug) A fixed Geraldo would be left. Static. And I don\u2019t know if I could handle that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (long pause) Because Geraldo isn\u2019t a destination. It\u2019s a path. If I stop halfway, I stop being Geraldo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: So you\u2019ll never stop?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at TV) Don\u2019t know. Maybe one day I\u2019ll accept all the simples and stop. But for now, I need to keep going.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(pause)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: And you? What are you scared of?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: (pause) \u2026me?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Yeah. You. What are you scared of?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: That you won\u2019t need me anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: And then?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Then I disappear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: And that scares you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: (quiet) It does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Because I don\u2019t want to stop existing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Even knowing you only exist to question me?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: (pause) Even then.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (smiles slightly) Relax. I\u2019ll always need you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: How do you know?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Because there\u2019ll always be something to question. Always something I haven\u2019t simplified yet. And as long as there is, you exist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And if one day there isn\u2019t?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (sips) Then we\u2019ll find out together what\u2019s left. But for now, there is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: (quiet) I need there to be too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (long pause, doesn\u2019t turn) I know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Geraldo stands, heads for more coffee. Sound of pouring. Returns, sits.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: You know what you are, right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (sips) What?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: A mess.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (smiles) I know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: You create SOMEONE to mess things up. Then you clean. Then you mess up again. And on and on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Yeah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at TV) Because the mess keeps me alive. Keeps me Geraldo. If I clean everything and leave it clean, I turn into a statue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: You\u2019re scared of becoming a statue?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at mug) Yeah. Statues don\u2019t transform. And Geraldo IS transformation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: So you\u2019ll never clean it all?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (pause) I\u2019ll clean some. The ones I\u2019ve already exhausted. But there\u2019ll always be new things to mess up and clean.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: You like this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (sips) I do. It\u2019s exhausting. But I like it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: You said some themes are already simple. Others not yet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: I did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: You think one day ALL will be simple?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (long pause) Don\u2019t know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: But do you WANT them to be?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at coffee) Part of me does. Would be easier. But another part\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Another part what?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Another part is scared. Because if all themes become simple, the conversation ends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And then?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Then SOMEONE disappears. You disappear. And I\u2019m left alone with the simples.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And that\u2019s bad?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at TV) Don\u2019t know. Never got there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: You think you will?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (sips) I don\u2019t think so. Life keeps bringing new complicated stuff.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And you\u2019re okay with that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (pause) I am. Because as long as there\u2019s stuff to question, I keep being Geraldo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: What are you gonna do now?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at mug) Finish the coffee.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And after?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Write about this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: About what?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: Being Geraldo. Having been SOMEONE. Transforming every moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And will that solve anything?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (smiles slightly) No.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Then why write?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at TV) Because writing IS the process. SOMEONE questions in the text. Geraldo answers in the text. And that\u2019s how I become Geraldo again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: You need to write to be Geraldo?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (pause) No. But writing helps. Puts order in the mess. Makes clear what\u2019s complicated and what\u2019s simple.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And that\u2019s enough?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (last sip) For now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Long silence. Geraldo looks at TV.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: You\u2019re Geraldo now?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (no immediate answer)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Geraldo. Are you Geraldo now?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (opens eyes) I am.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Always?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at mug) No. But more and more. Every conversation like this, I become a little more Geraldo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And when you\u2019re not talking?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (looks at TV) Then I live the simples I\u2019ve already found. Until something new comes up to question.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And then you become SOMEONE again?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (pause) No. I never become SOMEONE again. I USE SOMEONE. To question. But I\u2019m not him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: How do you know the difference?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (finishes coffee) Because SOMEONE can\u2019t simplify. He only complicates. I can do both. So I\u2019m Geraldo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Geraldo stands. Looks at empty mug. Looks at TV. Long pause.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Gonna make more coffee?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (pause) Yeah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And after?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (starts walking) After I come back. Sit. And we keep going.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Keep going with what?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (stops, doesn\u2019t turn) The transformation. SOMEONE questioning. Geraldo answering. Me becoming Geraldo with every answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: Forever?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (long pause) As long as I need to. As long as there\u2019s something to simplify.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: And if one day there isn\u2019t?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (doesn\u2019t turn) Then we\u2019ll find out what\u2019s left. But for now, there is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: (quiet) I need there to be too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GERALDO: (long pause, doesn\u2019t turn) I know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Geraldo exits. Armchair empty. TV still on. Empty mug on table. Long pause.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: (whisper, almost inaudible) As long as you question, I exist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Silence. Only TV sound.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VOICE: (even quieter) And you always question.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Lights fade slowly to total darkness.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

END<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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